#(it was held at my parents house)
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if i failed to protect my kid during the apocalypse and they almost died wandering on their own but got rescued by a team of four competent, battle-experienced adults who cared about them very much and made them feel less scared and useless but refused to let them fight, i think that would be a pretty decent outcome and i'd be pretty okay with it. sure i could dream up a better situation but there's a hell of a lot of worse ones too.
#it's not like they took bonnie away from a safe lil village.. bonnie was on the verge of collapse!!#and no village is safe!!!!#better traveling to the place that will be last to freeze than left at some village that will freeze sooner#(and we can guess than nille agrees‚ since she and bonnie did not wait in bambouche to be frozen)#better ready for battle behind a team of fighters than caught unawares among people who have never fought#(regular people are obviously struggling right now - even nille failed to protect bonnie)#even with the king#if the party fails the land is frozen ANYWAY#is it really better to leave bonnie in dormont? distraught‚ abandoned? being held back from following by strangers?#is that really a better moment to be stuck in for eternity?#yeah maybe something worse would happen in the house#but sadnesses could attack the village too!#taking bonnie with them is absolutely a reasonable decision given all of the circumstances#i may be biased by my own nille characterization#HOWEVER#this is also my opinion as a parent u^u#like i might still be freaking out about it#but htat's. inevitable no matter WHAT it is that happened#bonnie WAS stuck in a bad situation and even the best solutions can't undo that#so yeah i'd be WORRIED#but i'd also be grateful the people who found my kid were decent folks who tried their best and did quite well all things considered#😭😭😭😭#thoughts#thoughts about bonnie#isat talk#i'm sick of not being able to fandom tag my posts that i don't want to put in the fandom tag so there now it's filterable lol
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i think i got very lucky with my parents :,)
#everytime i think they don’t understand how im feeling they always do something that proves me wrong#we were planning to stay over at a relatives house and then we had dinner on their bed that we were supposed to sleep in and my fear of food#and fear of contamination couldn’t deal with that so i told my dad over whatsapp and he said okay then we’ll go :(#also i was feeling very tearful one morning and i called my dad upstairs and asked him to take me to a mental health professional because i#was on the verge of a panic attack and he sat next to me while i ate and took me to a doctor immediately after:(#because i ran out of my medicine#my mom is the same :( she actively tries to get me out of situations where food is involved like if my cousins ate something and didn’t wash#their hands afterwards she makes me sit in the front seat of the car so nothing accidentally touches me and flares up my obsessive thoughts#and anxiety :(#i feel so bad when they do this because i feel so fucking stupid for feeling like this in the first place but it does feel very very real#and dangerous:( i don’t know how to stop:(#like if anyone eats i feel so happy for them but if i make contact with them i feel physically disgusting#so if other people eat in their bed i’m fine with that but i just can’t sleep in that bed afterwards#my parents are the same people who held me in their arms and cried with me when i said i really really wanted them to let me die:(#so i really really love them :(#✉️
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Blanche's grandma's place is the only place she felt consistently loved in... no I'm fine. I'm fine
#the IMPLICATIONS#i completely forgot about that line#room 7 makes me lose my mind in general but ohhh my god#OH my god#i'm#yeah no i'm fine#i have so many feelings about this i can't even put them into words#idk but she speaks about that place with so so much nostalgia#we see blanche in a way we've never seen her with anyone from her past#she didn't look even remotely as happy or peaceful (or nostalgic!) when she visited her childhood home#but when she's in her grandma's old home? she calls it her family home#she talks about it like *that's* the place she grew up in#because apparently it was the only place she was always sure she could be loved#so i guess it might not have been the only place she grew up in#but it sure sounds like it was the one place she was allowed to be herself in and still be loved unconditionally#without competing for anyone's attention#ohh blanche ;-;#i teared up when she held that windchime and smiled right before finally leaving that house#that was *such* a powerful moment ;-;#anyway#uh#i guess i'll just go and stare at a wall or something now#the golden girls#blanche devereaux#adding on to this to say that maybe it really was the only place she grew up in#because to grow up i'd say you need an environment where you can at least somewhat freely explore your identity#without feeling a constant need to be the best/cutest/prettiest sister to get your parents' love and approval#it sounds like blanche grew older in her childhood home#and she got the chance to *grow up* with her grandma#(i knoooow i'm reading too much into this but i can't stop thinking about this episode)
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family sentai big brothers - an observation
#fiveman#magiranger#gogov#gaku - thoughtful/placid/beloved aniki#makito - romantic/nurturing/beloved aniki#matoi - bastard#i kid lmao i fucking love matoi so much this is a matoi stan account my boy has done nothing wrong in his life ever#ANYWAY#i have so many feelings about these boys its not funny#gaku lost both his parents but he always had arthur#he shouldered a lot of the emotional burden but he was never “left to raise his siblings”#makito lost his dad young and became “the man of the house” but again - he always had his mum#he never had to be 'dad' - at least not until he was already an adult#BUT MATOI#matoi's parents left. they left and he didnt know if or when either of them were going to come back.#so to deal with it he held on to the family he has left and he holds on too tight and he suffocates them but he's doing his fucking BEST#i will defend matoi until the day i die tbh#2023 art tag
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me and the generic extra strong Tylenol and the pure rage in my system
#Every once in a while I think. It’s not too bad home. I’m over dramatic. It’s not bad and it won’t be bad when I go home and never been bad#Then actually think and remember#I shouldn’t have been hit as a small child. I thank god that my parents stopped that with me.#But also. I should have been taken seriously when I went To them with concerns and shouldn’t have been brushed off.#But also to be a 14 something year old and to realize your parents aren’t in love is a crushing feeling#Since that must have been when. 13-14. Appa passed. Pandemic times. I’m sure my father. Since this would have been the last time I saw Appa#We went down to visit. Dad didn’t go he had work. He sent us off. I remember sitting in the passenger seat by mom in driver#Dad praying for our safe travel and for him going in for a kiss and the moment of hesitation and unwant from my mother#And the awkward silence and the way everything seemed to just shift to the side#That was summer of 2019. My first time realizing my parents weren’t both in love happened when I was 13-14.#I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.#And going to college has me feeling so guilty. Like I fucking ditched my siblings? The kids I raised as a child myself?#(I had to go. I don’t know if my scholarship would have held I don’t know if my financial aid would have held. I couldn’t have waited. )#(I would have likely done something bad to myself. Genuinely. If I weren’t able to be here. If I had to stay. I wouldn’t survive that.)#my siblings are fine. They have no responsibilities. My sister is manipulative. They will manage. They want me to get the education I need#They aren’t going to have to use their own college money to pay to be able to eat because the parents won’t feed them for the summer#I went into college with at least a couple hundred less than I should have. Because I had to parent. I had to feed my siblings.#And I had to pay to fill the gas tank on my father’s gas eater truck. We couldn’t be home because of the selling home situation.#I had to do something to get us out and to feed us but I didn’t get paid back for anywhere near all of it#I don’t regret it. But a kid shouldn’t have to pay for them and their siblings to live.#But then I remember the dread I have for returning ‘home’ for the breaks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.#If I can’t work all of the breaks then I either won’t be able to pay next semester#Or I’ll have almost no money in savings. Like nothing to my name. Can’t buy gas. Can’t do anything. Can’t buy food.#Unless the next scholarship stuff I’m doing pulls through. But I’m willing to work the whole break just to get away from either house.#I want to violently shake my parents and get them to comprehend#Father you have dropped 260$ into my bank account in the last two weeks. Why could this not be earlier in the semester.#Why couldn’t that be in the time and fashion you FUCKING PROMISED for helping me pay my schooling?#You have money to spare. Stupid. Why couldn’t you help like you promised.#Mom you fucker. I get that you are kinda with a new man now. But you’re leading yourself into a relationship with a man you said yourself#You don’t want to date because he wants to move away with his sister and because he hates it here
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Turned 19 on the 20th this week and anyways imagine A BIRTHDAY WITH THE GHOST??? HELLOO?????
They’d all be so sweet about it- TvT like a lot of the gifts would be handmade definitely, that or it took them a while to find the perfect thing to get you while on the run / getting supplies and everything-
And the food?? Amazing-
Different types of food from different cultures and different planets-
It’d be so nice- TvT
#star wars rebels x reader#the ghost crew x reader#ezra bridger x reader#sabine wren x reader#hera syndulla x reader#kanan jarrus x reader#garazeb orrelios x reader#x reader#platonic!garazeb orrelios x reader#platonic!kanan jarrus x reader#platonic!hera syndulla x reader#platonic!ezra bridger x reader#platonic!sabine wren x reader#platonic!reader#platonic x reader#my birthday was nice but#plan w / friend was canceled#rest of friends back to college#siblings not there for it bc of school + at different parents’ houses#rain#headache for most of the morning#got a cool new sketchbook though- :00#no cake either bc money tight#held it together bc my mom wanted me to have a good day#still kinda sad about it tbh but it’s fine#i need to write more oml#work has me low on motivation and I am only working part time lmao
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venting dont mind me xp ✌
#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die#either by my hand or my mothers#i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering#so i either leave or i die#i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return#every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others#and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples#at least one of which includes me#why cant life be easy#when is it .y turn to tbrive#in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy#everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything#maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again#but no who would see would understand#my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face#i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say#shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely#say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her#that i ddi it to hurt her#i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan#contentness and love and adoration for my family#or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick#i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead#i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it#i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms#i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance#i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin#ill just be quiet#im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time#the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me
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Me and @azrail-has-a-vendetta have this friend that we shall call S. S is 17 years old, a full-time highschool students. They do marching band year-round and love it. They also have a younger sibling and their parents are both working full time.
S has to babysit their younger brother five days a week from 3:30 to 7:30. That's 20 hours a week, every week for the entire school year -- it's a part-time job, and on top of everything else, they don't get paid.
Sure, I agree that watching your siblings occasionally usually doesn't involve any money (at least in my case), but S is working a part-time job babysitting their younger brother. They have no free time, they have almost no social life because their entire time is spent at school, at marching band, and babysitting. Without pay.
Their mom says that she is paying S by paying for their marching band costs, but we need to take a second to do the math.
Total costs of marching band during the school year: $800 dollars.
Divide that by the 36 weeks of school and you're paying $23 a week.
The average babysitters wage in our state is $15 an hour. $15 x 20 hours a week is $300. Times that by 36 and you have $10,800 of babysitting money.
Literally a part-time job that is hurting S's social life, keeping them from having a job, overwhelming them to the point of extreme burnout and impedes on child labor laws, and they are getting paid in the form of an extracurricular activity.
#I'm angry about this#child labor#is this okay?#I don't think it is#I have held S in my arms as they have a panic attack because they are so overworked and have literally no free time#they can't do anything because of how often they're babysitting#ugjhkgjkhg#in my family i'll babysit my siblings when I'm asked because my parents pay for literally everything I could need#they pay for anything I could need and all they ask is that I get good grades and pull my weight around the house#If you're going to have children then their wellbeing should be your top priority#especially because one of them isn't allowed to be a teen because they need to step up for the parents#this ain't okay
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i've always wanted a secret admirer. when we'd do valentines in school as a kid i would always hope to get one that's like 'from your secret admirer' and i never did and that's why i'm a valentine's day hater
#me#valentine's day has always been one of the worst days of the year for me and my personal sense of social rejection#yeah i know this sounds like big whiny energy#big inside the house energy#big hermit energy#but i'm serious! sfklhskjalkg#don't get me wrong i love getting notes and things from my friends and parents but like oh my God when will i be held??? hello???#when will someone Want meeeeeee
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man i spent most of last night crying in bed with a headache because tiktok decided to show me a bunch of videos of people sharing their stories with their pets and how much they loved them and how they still remember them and the one that hurt the most was actually the lady who adopted an old cat with stomach problems because thats pretty much like our experience with our yorkie that passed away and im still justl ike man. pets deserve the world.
#text post tag#woke up and my head still hurts but im not crying as much thinking about it#i remember when sammy was put down i was afraid that he didnt feel loved#but then i remembered he was a fat dog who would cry all the time until you picked him up and held him#and he Loved being carried around the house and he Loved going on trips with my parents#he had separation anxiety real bad but we loved him very much#i miss him a lot
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FUCK YOUR FATHER FUCK YOUR FATHER FUVK YOUR FATHWR FU--
#final one tonight (and the one i was looking for when i found the other one i was initially looking for)#(in my. fucking. folder.)#this has to be book 1??? i'm certain it is (shot taken revisiting prev books)#still like. this is so fuvked up. like. it's been so long and so it's easy to forget (esp w gustav being canonically dead now)#but like. imagine having a parent who refuses to fucking talk to you in your own fucking house#just cause they disagree w a choice you made.#and like as i say that i know for some people they don't have to imagine. severely fucked up and i'm so sorry.#UGH..... IT'S JUST...... SO UNFATHOMABLY CRUEL.#oh but he's just strict. a stern father figure. dude shut up i'm gonna throw up LMFAOOOOO#also not to be queer about it but oh my god. holy shit. oh my fucking god. jesus fucking christ. FUCK#there are many reasons alfonse fire emblem makes me insane and unwell and this js one of them#to me he's like. def queer but not in a way where it's visible. heavily influenced/defined by his agab and how he was raised due to it.#he has Just Enough things going for him to make it so he has done Everything Right.#and yet. that does not free him from SO many horrors. in a way he's punished for it. but it's all he's ever known.#it's normal. he's normal. everything is normal. this is just how it's supposed to be.#i'm going to chew on his arm. gnaw at his fuvking shoulders. have him sit on my lap and be held.#for once in his fuckinh life.#what thw fuck ever man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXPLODE ‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#fe alfonse
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posting on here really is just being expected to say ‘sorry for being desensitized by facing daily, real life homophobia and the constant threat of being killed for being a faggot-tranny to where i forgot to take into consideration that youre gonna be a whiny bitch about me making a light-hearted joke about a fictional character on my own blog’ while not feeling sorry at all.
#i was gonna leave this alone but this has been in my drafts for SO long and every day its proven more true#like sorry but me having a loaded gun held to my head and being quizzed on if im a faggot and deserve to be killed because#‘god will understand’ by my parents (whom i see every day) and having to be convincing enough that im ‘not’#and living where the state laws are actively harmful and doesn't have any nondiscrimination laws (from medical to housing to banking to#employment to just hate crining us) and where i still have that same level of fear inside my own home because of my parents#isnt the same experience as a lgbt person making a limp wrist joke or making a joke at a fictional story that you personally dont like#if youre sensitive to that its fine whatever every LGBT person is different and has a different experience and shit.#block if it makes you that uncomfortable or scroll and move on#but giving other queers grief and anger because of how THEY joke or talk?? get a fucking life and stop bitching about mine lmao
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personal stuff under the cut, mostly just rambles
I can't remember the last time I had that close of a call with a tornado 😅 one touched down less than a mile from my new place that I just got less than 6 months ago and scared the shit outta me when a big branch hit my window
thankfully all is good now and just barely missed the worst of it but MAN my anxiety is through the roof lol thank goodness I don't work tomorrow
#im gonna veg out and play video games all night now i think to relax#of course this happens when im catsitting for my grandmother#thankfully i had enough gas to get to my parents house bc the new place has no basementttt#hope the backdoor doesnt blow open bc its held together by zipties atm and i really dont want my ps5 stolen#also hope the place isnt ruined bc uhhh i dont have insurance and it took all my savings to get ahahaha
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ive currently got 15 vintage ceramic soup ramekins. so ur all invited over for soup
#so mum is cleaning out the property and house#and my parents were the type that just. held onto things#shoved things in boxes and never got rid of anything#so mum keeps finding all this stuff#so now im collecting ramekins and cute ceramic pots n stuff#most of it would be 80s stuff i think maybe some from the 70s#but also mum was huge into op shops#so god only knows the origin of most of it
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Y’all, I’m exhausted.
My uncle passed away over the weekend, very early on Saturday morning, after a very brief but aggressive battle with cancer. From diagnosis to death was less than a week.
My mom and I have done everything in our power to be with my family as much as possible, and I am so thankful that I got to say my goodbyes and to be with them when he passed, and some portion of most every day since.
But between work, therapy, previously scheduled appointments, funeral arrangements, choir, etc. and just general grief, I feel like I haven’t slept in days. I’ve barely been eating (or had time to eat) let alone manage anything else in my life, and every time I think I might have a moment to lie down or do some laundry, something else comes up.
I am so ready and willing to do whatever is needed for my family right now, but I think I am reaching a bit of a personal breaking point.
#Thursday I worked from 8:30 to 4:30 then picked up my parents and drove forty minutes out to my aunt's to see him#we were there until after 11PM and didn't get to bed until 1 or so#the next day I worked from 8:30 to 1ish when my cousin called me and said they needed me at the house#so I dashed home picked up mom and drove out there#we were at their house until 7:30 or 8PM then went home#but we were called back shortly after because he became non responsive#we went back over there and sat up until 5AM or so before falling asleep in my cousin's bed#he passed away shortly after 7AM#we got up#I held my cousins for a while#eventually I did a coffee/food run#my mom and I called hospice and the funeral home and arranged all of that#we spent the day with them#I put on a crock pot meal and we stayed with them until dinner time or thereabouts#we told them to get some rest and call if they needed anything#we didn't eat all day#went home and crashed#Sunday I just felt sick all day and was crying off and on#Monday I worked from 8:30-3 and then went to a meeting with the funeral coordinators with my mom my aunt and my cousins#Tuesday I worked from 8:30 - 4:30 then had choir from 6 -9 then went to the store and showered#yesterday I worked from 8:30 to 12:45 then went home for a long lunch hour therapy appointment#went back to work from 2 to 5#took my dog to the vet at 5:30#went to my aunt's at 6:30#was there until after midnight#didn't eat#went home did dishes and took out recycling and had a quick shower#wrote the obituary#today they're touring a facility for the memorial but I can't take off work in the middle of the day so I'm not going to that#I'm working until 5 or so
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